shards of End Of Year debris (it keeps happening)
A bit of time-traveling was necessary to post this blog, as it just didn’t fit with the rest of the politicised blogs of 09/12/2011, and it fitted better amongst the more self-pitying blogs around 29/12/2010. So, I have sent this blog back one year, for the sake of the continuity of the blog and also because I am ashamed to still be the wreck that I am from time to time; there seems to be an expectation to grow out of discontent, leave it in youth as we begin our professional lives – I have achieved neither. So, lets pretend that this is 2010 and not 2009
I cannot see myself as a person who as done bad things. I know we are told to accept that it’s human to be bad/fo bad/accidentally hurt others, as we go through life, but I can’t abide myself doing this. I cannot cope if I know I have been incredibly selfish. I hate the feeling it gives me, knowing that my chosen actions may have hurt someone else.
It makes my life feel like something to get out of/escape from
Irrationality? Oh yes: here it comes again!
Also. If it’s just me and me only; totally alone to face a ‘Children of men’ style future, if that’s the most likely outcome, I don’t think I’d be able live.