I realised today that whilst one is in the company of others, for a period of time, their minds become less devoted to finding self-awareness and reasoning within the surrounding environment, and more devoted to being a coherent and acceptable member of that certain group of people. This isn’t a bad thing as I spend way too much time alone. However, I probably wouldn’t be aware of the changes in my mind whilst socialising, If I spent most of my time socialising, and my mind may not function exactly like it had been doing of late. Nevertheless, without socialising, one becomes as dead as a flower is without sunlight.
When I left my friends today, I sensed a feeling, a more easy going nature to me, which is a good thing, reason tells me so!. Irrationality tells me otherwise. My personal CCTV john camera was monitoring me as I walked to the bus stop, accompanied by the words in my head “consumer kid” as I analysed the logo on my t-shirt (all be it my own logo!) and my Walkman in my hand.
The irrationality tries to force me to become more serious again, more acute and cynical, as if a smile would ruin all I have worked for. I did what it told me to, and I went home and had a miserable and lonely night.