There are so many hidden constraints which set upon a person in an urban area which deny one the freedom that we both deserve and require. Which is why nature should be allowed to co-exist in city areas, like the artist Hundertwasser would say..the straight line is alien to people. The straight line ‘is’ a symbol of restraint itself. Trees should line our streets, grass should grow on roofs, maybe even trees on roughs (if it could work). The sculpture park where i work as a building with a grass roof, its only 5 miles from my town, i would like to see this used in many more buildings. Think of the amount of pollution that would be soaked up. Like I say I’m an artist, and i know nothing about architecture, but i believe the morals for these ideas should be taken seriously.
(paintings a photo edits for my local towns, that i made earlier (as in 1 year earlier), to roughly describe what i mean.
Sitting in a dark gallery (my work place) and having a cappuccino at break, made me feel like I was going to fall out of my skin; my heart felt like it was running around my body like it was on an F1 race course. When I spoke to people I couldn’t be sure what was coming out exactly. I was tired, but speeding on nervous energy, a quite uncomfortable surreal state. The more that I thought about it the worse it got. The image below explains this feeling.
Problems that don’t go away
If only i could clear my mind of unwanted traffic
Self portrait of a compulsive worrier
The problem about relaxation is, there is nothing to relax about
Between a rock and a hard place of concern
If you’re not up to scratch on a over crowded planet,
you’ll be blasted into the skies
I am a person with some confidence in what I do, but if someone bumps into me on the street and asked me something face to face I can so easily just fold. I’m not strong in people to people situations. But I am aware that even an artist needs this, in this day and age to ever succeed.
I somehow don’t feel like I really don’t (or won’t) fit into the art world, just like when I write songs i don’t really feel part of the local music scene. Sometimes I think this could be my making, but more often I fear this could be my un-doing. My art (and songs) are as contemporary and analytical of the world as any other art out there. I just cannot justify making art that the vast majority of people probably wont understand.
I certainly have ideas on these grounds, but I don’t really have the patience to construct something which is neither pleasing to me or others.
The search for truth and fulfillment in my own life can only come form a search for the truth in my surrounding environment.
In my paintings I use recyclable materials, materials utilized in my previous painting. These paintings can never be particularly resourceful but they can make amends for amount of packaging/throw away material that comes with all the equipment i use when painting.
I think a painting highlighting the concerns of the planet is justifiable in using at least resources as long as the bin isn’t full afterwards. The rubbish is transported into the next painting adding relief to the painting, then giving this throw away material some kind of substantial purpose.
As for my drawings, they highlight my fears and are less about ideology than my paintings are. The emotional feeling to doing a drawing is allot different to to paintings. Whilst painting can expel an almost euphoric (at times) and therapeutic sensation, drawing is more a compulsion and though necessary, it works with the more negative thoughts in my mind. This is how it works for me anyway, i can never appreciate a drawing during it making it, quite like i can with painting.
Therefore i would find it physically and mentally hard to be resourceful with my drawing (i.e by using recycled paper etc). However on the grounds of making ‘sell able artwork’ my drawings are allot more resourceful, even if they don’t provoke the positive.
The understanding of my art direction, and future as an artist, would be to describe my brain and the ideas inside-as a muddy river with items of value covered and blurred bt the muddy river. I have to get these items of value and clean them up, so that they are clear and understandable. Then i can express and hold them properly inside my works, at the moment ideas (in my opinion) which should be expressed in the outdoors are still confined to canvas and paper.
Maybe this is the process that as always been going on, it is likely that these elements i use so frequently in my work now are the things that were once blurred and indescribable too. So maybe i will be the same in say, 5 years time with some new confusions, maybe…hopefully.